I AM NOT GIVING UP
I hate to feel (or look) like a failure – at anything.
I am a very proud woman and
passionate about everything I do (even when I shouldn’t be)
so when something falls apart,
that I’ve put my heart and soul into,
I feel totally devastated.
Second-guessing and self-deprecation
becomes an endless reel of thoughts
going round and round inside my head.
It is exhausting.
Many times throughout my life,
I am faced with a choice.
Do I continue to struggle relentlessly
through a desperate situation or
do I choose a different path and call it quits?
Despite my stubborn nature, I eventually see
the writing on the wall and
it was within those heart-breaking moments of acceptance
that I realize I am not giving up – I am letting go.
When do I face the inevitable?
When I realize that:
1) I am only human,
2) I don’t have control over everything and
3) God has a different plan for me.
Many years ago, during a most devastating time in my life,
I remember my mother trying desperately to comfort me.
She was terrified for me and really didn’t have
any idea how to help me,
but what she said during a tearful phone call
changed my entire outlook.
As my frantic sobs poured through the phone,
she very calmly said to me:
“Claudia, sweetie, you’ve done all you can do.
It is in God’s hands now. Let it go and pray.”
I dried my eyes, took in a few deep breaths, and let it go.
She was right.
It all turned out exactly the way it was supposed to
and no – I never gave up – I just let go.
That was 14 years ago, and her loving words
have continued to guide me through life’s ups and downs.
I am still the same stubborn and passionate woman
that I’ve always been – except now I let God take the lead. ✞